People have some opinions about New Years. Distaste for resolutions and spirited exclamations of you don’t need a special day to start over! And sure. You really don’t need January, 1st to throw down, and begin to manifest change in your life.
But then. I will argue over and over and over that there really is something to these rhythms of the year. I feel the rhythm pulsing, the silent motion beneath my feet. It says it’s time to begin again. Time to look at what is working, and what isn’t working. Time to look at what I want to create in this next and precious year. And what I’d like to leave behind. It begs me to find a system that will help me move step by step into the dreams that paint my hidden mind.
I thought my word was approval. That this year would be the year that any shred of weight I’m still banking on anyone else’s approval would burn and die, and a hard won confidence rise up in its place. But then wildfire decided to burst onto the scene demanding to be given a shot.
I think of year 20 as the year that every structure holding up my person burned to the ground. And the last four have been the slow, slow rebuild of deciding for myself who I am and where I want to go.
Fire is purging. They say it brings gold.
I’d have to agree, but with the addendum that it’s never easy. It is fast and slow while harsh and tender in the light. So now it is half way through year 24, and I know something new to be true.
This is the year of a different kind of fire, wildfire.
The year where it all awakens in crazy, beautiful goodness. The year where last year’s 365word, discipline, pays off. Because I can finally say I love who I am. Who I am is good, and I don’t care if you agree with any of it. [I’m done apologizing.]
I’m knee deep in beta rounds, revisions, and editing of a manuscript that lights me up like nothing else ever has, and I have team of brilliant women backing me up to make it shine. I’m going to query the hell out of that manuscript until I find someone willing to fight for it as hard I am.
I have consistently made the choice to meditate and fell in love with barre, and now I want nothing more than to share that beauty with others. I’m two classes and two exams away from being able to take all of this and tie it up into being the best therapist I can be.